Monthly Archives: September, 2018

Perspective…You are NOT your job

In-Christ-I-Am-640x226Your identity is in Christ.

That statement in and of its self is HUGE; however, we still fight the concept. Our work has become our identity. Our happiness is based on our work status and whether or not our job fulfills us. We want to find a partner who is as ‘dedicated to their work’ as we are. We talk about finding ‘work life balance’ not ‘life work balance’.

In a world where we are inundated day in and out on TV, social media, news, virtually every media outlet you can think of with finding and elevating our career satisfaction, it’s no wonder that so few do. After all, if hundreds of people can make millions of dollars teaching others how to be happy in their jobs, there must be a lot of unhappy employees out there. Work, job, career, vocation have taken the place of the only thing that can truly fulfill our lives…Christ.

No I am not saying that you shouldn’t work or that you shouldn’t want to be happy with the work you do. I’m saying that we should not be spending disproportionate amounts of time worrying, being anxious and crying over our jobs.

Recently I’ve had several individuals come to me with challenges that are rooted in their job satisfaction. They don’t feel appreciated, valued or perhaps challenged. They don’t feel they get paid enough or that the stress their job creates is wearing on them. I too have had some doubts recently about where my ‘career’ fits into my life. Then I read something that began to alter my perception of my job.

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.” Colossians 3:23

It doesn’t say work heartily for the things you like to do, or are fun to do, it says ‘whatever you do, work heartily as for the Lord and not for men.’ It doesn’t matter if I’m at home folding socks (which I HATE doing) or weeding my garden (which I LOVE doing) I am called to work heartily as if I’m doing it for God Himself. If we begin, just begin to start seeing our jobs as something we do for the Lord, not something we do that takes the place of the Lord, our feelings might change.

God does not want you to hate your job. Yes, that is another truth. God has given you the work you have to do, regardless of what it is, He can bring amazing things forth from it.

“I know that nothing is better for them than to rejoice, and to do good in their lives, and also that every man should eat and drink and enjoy the good of all his labor – it is the gift of God”  Ecclesiastes 3:12-13

The Lord blesses us with employment so that we have meaningful work, to provide for our families (2 Thess 3:10-13), to provide for those in need (Eph 4:28), and to live as part of the body of Christ (Eph 4:11-16) He does not provide us this work so that we become the work, or so that work becomes our life.

All the labor of man is for this mouth, and yet the soul is not satisfied. Ecclesiastes 6:7

I have spent the better part of my adult life striving to be the best at whatever I do. Early on I discovered that I could receive all kinds of positive reinforcement, awards, accolades and advancement if I worked harder, smarter and longer than anyone else. I achieved great success in the world…at what cost? I had a fancy office on the Potomac, traveling 3-weeks a month away from my family. I would introduce myself to people I met using my title as if it were my last name. I could never just be Betsy Stuetze; no, my true identity was found in what I did, my job title, not who I was. For the record; I was lonely, sad, scared, and desperately empty, and none of this could be cured by my job, my office, or my expense account.

Over the past year, some of which I’ve been serving as a bi-vocational pastor, I have learned that when you keep your (secular) work in its proper place, it can be incredibly satisfying. Our work can be a blessing to our families, others and ourselves. Our work can glorify God. Our work can have far reaching impact on those around us, however, it is not supposed to define you.

Lauren Daigel has a song out that I have gotten in the habit of playing over and over. You Say, has been a call to me when I feel like my priorities are beginning to get out of balance.

“Let every detail in your lives – words, actions, whatever – be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way.” Colossians 3:17

Don’t let them live rent free

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“Do not conform to the patterns of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what Gods’ will is – His good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2

It was an ordinary day, my alarm clock went off at 5:00 am, I hit snooze, (I can actually hit snooze 3 times and still get out the door on time). I get up, feed the dog, go into the boy’s room and turn on the light then the girl’s room, making sure everyone’s eyes are open and they are moving out of bed before heading to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee.

I continue to keep my cadre of kiddos moving so we can get out of the house on time. During all this activity, as I keep myself and the family moving you would never guess that something ugly has taken up residence in my mind…and I’m letting it live there…rent free.

How often do we allow thoughts in our head to take up residence and literally consume our brain to the point that our thoughts spin out of control and eventually take us with them? Perhaps it’s something that happened during the day that you haven’t been able to get past, or a conversation you had with your spouse, or the flirtatious comment from a coworker that you can’t seem to stop replaying in your head. In my case it was something that I took to heart, that probably wasn’t meant the way I took it, but it made me doubt myself, question every action I had taken. So I second guess every decision, replay conversations in my head, how should I have said this or done that. Before you know it, not only are you questioning that interaction but every subsequent one. You begin to question yourself, your value, your very viability…sound familiar?

“You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.  Therefore, each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.  “In your anger do not sin” Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” Ephesians 4:22-27

When we allow (and yes, it is a choice, we do allow it) our minds to be consumed by worldly thoughts and cares we are not following Gods will for our lives. Not to mention, we are giving Satan the reins.

“When an impure spirit comes out of a person, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, ‘I will return to the house I left.’ When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first.” Matthew 12:43-44

This is NOT how Christ wants us to live! He wants us to live free from the thoughts that enslave our lives and hold us hostage to the past, to sin, and to death. However, we seem all too willing to allow these thoughts to take up residence in our minds and control our lives. They are the thoughts that tell us we aren’t good enough, that we aren’t loved, that we are beyond grace, and that we’ve fallen too far for God to redeem. Guess what, they are LIES!

While talking with my son and some of his friends at church, one of them asked me, “how can you tell if it’s God talking to you and not the devil?” It’s actually a question I get asked a lot. A very wise man once told me that the best way to know God’s voice is to know God’s word. The Bible tells us that God will never allow us to be tempted beyond our ability, and will always provide us a way out, (1 Corinthians 10:13). It also tells us that we need to focus our thoughts on higher and nobler things, (Philippians 4:8).

It’s not just a matter of keeping broken thoughts out of our minds but filling it with whole thoughts. Thoughts that are uplifting, holy and pleasing to God. “Well gee Betsy what does that look like?” Well I’ll tell ya, when we focus our thoughts on the gifts God has given us, our lives, our families, the many blessings and promises He has made, who He is and His love for us, then there is no room for doubt, lies and shame.

I have found that in those times when my mind is bombarded with doubts, that focusing on who God is, and who I am in Him, works as the best eviction notice.

” For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So, don’t be troubled or afraid.” John 14:27

Knowing God’s word helps me to recognize His voice. Being able to recognize His voice enables me to know when it’s Him in my thoughts. Christ wants us to know Him, to recognize His presence in our lives. He wants residence in our hearts and minds, and He paid the price to be there.

I’d love to hear from you. Come back and visit at “Connectthedotblog”.

 

 

WWTD (What Would Tootie Do?)

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the law? Jesus replied, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it, Love your neighbor as yourself. All the law and the prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:36-40

I shared this scripture as part of a youth lesson recently and made the statement, if we follow these two commandments, having everything we do come from a place of loving God first and others second, we would never sin. My youth took this as a challenge, and now every time I see them they are coming up with scenarios they think would prove this premise wrong? Needless to say, it hasn’t worked yet, but I love that I have them thinking… thinking about how to be motivated to love, instead of being motivated to not sin.

If we were to focus all our efforts on loving and let all our actions stem from that, imagine what kind of world we could create. “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.”              1 Corinthians 13:1-3

I love it when God makes His will very simple. If we love Him first and everyone else as we love ourselves (yes we are supposed to love ourselves as God’s beloved children), then we will be aligned with His will.

I was reminded by a conversation I’ve been having with my youngest child. I keep a list of Tootie-isms. I love how children are able to see through all the complications of life to the simple answer. My list of Tootie-isms has become some what reminiscent of the book written by Robert Fulghum, All I Really Need To Know I Learned in Kindergarten.

  1. Be nice
  2. Play fair
  3. Share
  4. Include everyone
  5. Don’t hit
  6. Say your sorry, even when it’s an accident
  7.  Listen to mom and dad…you’ll stay out of trouble
  8.  Put things away when you’re done with them
  9.  Family comes first
  10.  When you get angry, remember #1 always be nice

Reading through this list reminds me how simple being a Christian really is. If we can find a way to look at things through a child’s eyes our decisions would be very different. I would never hear my 6-year old daughter saying, “that girl looks different, let’s not include her”, or, “this situation is more complicated than that”, “that’s not my job”, “I don’t feel like being nice today”. As adults we have so many, ‘yes but’s’. None of what God tells us comes with a but. Love God first, and second, love everyone else like yourself. God does not follow those commands with, but only when it’s convenient or on Tuesday’s or when you feel like it. Nope He just says do it!

In my work I am often confronted with people and situations that make me uncomfortable and push the boundaries of my patience and my sense of fairness. It is in those situations I frequently ask myself WWTD (What Would Tootie Do). I find that when I stop for just a moment and ask that one simple question, I make more loving decisions.

Charles Sheldon wrote a book in 1896 titled In His Steps. I first read it in 1996, I had come across it in a used book store (I love old book stores) while I was attending college in Flagstaff, and it had a profound impact on me. The premise of the book, in all our lives and interactions, what would change if we asked ourselves one simple question before making any decision, what would Jesus do (WWJD). The impact it made on the characters in the book was profound and aligned with what scripture teaches us; that when we are obedient to God’s calling on our lives, He blesses our socks off, often in way’s we’d never expect. More than that however, an entire community was transformed by a hand full of people what made a daily conscious effort to love God first then, everyone else as themselves, and let that color every decision in their life.

I know it’s difficult for us to view life in such a simplistic way. I know we have all kinds of challenges and situations and exceptions we could throw out. Our God is not a God of exceptions, He is a God of absolutes. He doesn’t tell us to love when it’s convenient but to love all the time, especially when it’s inconvenient.

What would happen in our families, our jobs, our churches and our communities if we just took a deep breath and committed ourselves to making Jesus part of every decision. What do we possibly have to loose…better question, what do we possibly have to gain?

I’d love to hear from you. Come back and visit at “Connectthedotblog”.

Consider it pure joy when losses are wins!

downloadIt’s one of those verses… we quote it, pastor quotes it, everyone quotes it. They quote it at you, to you, near you. Do we really know what it means?

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

Talk about what seems like the ultimate contradiction, “consider it joy…whenever you face trials”? Yea, cause when I’m facing trials, I’m going to be joyful…that’s gonna happen!

I was driving to the office a couple of months ago, like I do every day and I got a phone call. It was a good morning, kids got out the door on time, hitting green lights, coffee in hand, KLOVE on the radio, I was feeling it. Today, only good things were going to happen to me.

“Good morning, this is Betsy”, I answered the phone. On the line was a woman I had been working with on a very large project. To clarify, winning this grant would be the equivalent of my entire fiscal year’s revenue budget. We had been working together on this for months. Today was the day we would hear who won the grant. Only good things were going to happen today, I could feel it.

As I heard her voice, I could tell it was not the news I was hoping for. The disappointment was palpable in the sound of her words. I think she felt worse having to give me the bad news, than she did receiving it herself. I was stunned for a full 30-seconds, perhaps more because she pulled me out of the silence, “Betsy are you still there, did you hear what I said?” “Yes, sorry I heard you. I am so sorry, it was a great proposal and we can try again for the next cycle (in three years)” She agreed, and we talked about how much we enjoyed working together, we wished each other the best of luck and hung up.

So much for only good things happening huh? The projected represented an enormous amount of time and resources invested. As I pulled up to my first red light of the morning, this verse popped into my head. Thank you, Holy Spirit! In that moment, I had an opportunity to decide. I could mourn the loss, spend time (in my case hours if not days) spinning in my head about where I went wrong, what more I could have done, what more other people could have done. I could have looked for who to blame and been angry. Or I could take a moment to consider God’s greater plan for my life.

God was NOT trying to ruin my day. There was a reason we were not selected. It would have been a HUGE investment in time and resources, embarking down a road we’ve never been before. Could we have effectively executed the plan, living up to the expectations laid out in the proposal. Did I really have the time, along with my other responsibilities to lead the project? In that moment, I took a deep breath and felt an unexpected calm. In that moment, the second part of the scripture came to mind, “because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:3-4

I can think of a dozen reasons that I didn’t get the grant, but that doesn’t really matter. My getting the grant was not in God’s plan. I know that working outside of God’s plan for my life is disastrous. No, seriously been there done that, not going back! I was joyful in that moment that God is in control, that He has so much more for me than this one grant that served to exalt me in my career but not Him in His Glory.

The joy in this scripture that James talks about is Joy in the Lord. Not joy in our circumstances. God shows us His hands-on involvement in our lives through our circumstances, that is where our joy comes from, not in the circumstances themselves.

The storms of life will come, full force and try to knock us down. It is in those storms that God shows us His glory, His intimate involvement in our lives and His love for us, for our future and wellbeing. That is our joy! God knows and loves us, He wants what is best for us and use any and all means, (And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28) to achieve His purpose for our lives.

Next time, you feel knocked down by the circumstances, take joy in the knowledge that God is actively working through them to make you more like Him.

I’d love to hear from you. Come back and visit at “Connectthedotblog”.

 

Love you the best…I Win!

I love you this muchMy children and I play a game, it’s one of those quirky things that you come up with your kids that becomes part of the daily routine. I’m not sure how it started but one day, after telling Marcus I loved him, he said, “I love you more”, then I say “no, I love you more”, and on, and on it goes. Well, one day my highly competitive, then 4-year old ended the non-stop game of one-up about who loves who the most by exclaiming, “I love you the best…I win!” He was so triumphantly emphatic that I had to laugh and agree he did indeed win!

This fast paced competition of who can get to ‘I Win’ spread to all of my children and is now part of our morning and bedtime rituals. It reminded me of a book I had been reading to my kiddos since they were very small. I actually bought it for our oldest daughter when she was four (she’d now be 25), miraculously it has survived relatively unscathed.

The book is called, “Guess How Much I Love You“, by Sam McBratney. It’s a wonderful story about a father and son Hare. The son keeps telling the father how much he love him. Then the father replies with an even larger illustration of love. The book ends with little nut brown hare telling his father that he loves him “right up to the moon”, as the father tucks his son in to bed he replies, “I love you right up to the moon – and back”.

This is such a great illustration of God’s love for us, one that we often have a very difficult time comprehending.

“But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

There is no love so deep, so pure and so complete as the love I feel for you. There is no place you could ever run to that I would not find you. There is nothing you can do that could ever cause me to love you less or more than I love you right now.

My love for you is deeper than the sea, wider than the skies and more infinite than space and time. You may turn your back on me, hide your face from me, run from me and fill your life with false images meant to replace me; my love for you will remain and I will wait for you to return.

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.” Luke 15:20b

Our understanding of God’s love is so limited that we content ourselves with quoting scripture like John 3:16 and 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Not only did God save us from ourselves, He did so while we were still a mess and in a such a way that our salvation could never be taken from us.

Then He wrote to us… yes, He wrote to us. He wrote us love letters. Letters to share His deepest desires for our lives, His great despair at our disobedience, His provision for our restoration and His unfailing commitment to our future in Him.

“What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself.  Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us. Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.” No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:31-39

No matter how much we’ve been shown love, understand love or our expectation of love, it is nothing compared to what God feels for us, expresses toward us and freely gives us. He loves us to eternity and back, the proof…He was willing to leave paradise and sacrifice Himself that we could be restored to Him.

I’d love to hear from you. Come back and visit at “Connectthedotblog”.

Untitled blog

I feel the need to take a break from my normal rants to share a burden I feel. Recently I read about a young pastor in California who committed suicide. He was in his 30’s I believe, a husband and father; a beautiful family photo accompanied the article. I was dumbfounded. How is this possible? How can a man, that man in the photo, a man who dedicated his life to serving God, chose to end his life?

I am well acquainted with the hardships and trials of this world; having lost both a husband in a tragic car accident and a daughter after a long and painful battle with cancer. You can’t go through life without experiencing some form of pain and loss; however I don’t believe it’s the pain and loss that is causing so many people in our world to choose to end their suffering…it’s the loneliness.

I get to work with a group of wonderful youth, and they have had more than their fair share of struggles. I watch in amazement as they pull themselves up and continue to move forward each day, it’s truly incredible the resilience they have. However, as they get older what I see is an increased sense of isolation. The more ‘connected’ they are, the less connected they feel. They have 438 friends on Facebook, 397 followers on Twitter and Instagram, but no one to pick up the phone and talk to when they need a listening ear. They post, text, snapchcat and tweet and dozens if not hundreds of people will give a thumbs up or a smiley face, but none are a familiar voice, hug, smile or shoulder.

As we continue to age and move into the ‘real world’ the isolation increases in corresponding measure to the pressures of life; succeed, make an impact, increase profits, and look like we walked off the cover of a fashion magazine. We need to have the right college degree, the right job, make enough money to drive the right car, live in the right neighborhood, etc., etc., etc. Now this is not a middle class issue, at all socioeconomic levels of our country there’s an isolation factor. We don’t want our neighbors to know we can’t afford groceries or that our child struggles with an eating disorder. We don’t want the school to put us on the list for donated clothes or to know that we don’t have a cell phone.

“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” 1Thessalonians 5:11

This concept that no matter who we are, or what we do, we’ll never be enough is driving our nation crazy, quite literally. I read recently that children of this generation (Millennial) experience the same level of mental stress as adults did in the 1950’s who were being institutionalized! WHAT!!!

The pressure we put ourselves and our children under is much higher than it’s ever been before. However, I still believe that it’s the isolation that causes us to break. Humans are social beings we crave interaction, intimacy and human contact. We seem to be missing these in our culture right now; in a world where we can instantaneously contact someone, send a message get an immediate response back; communication has become transactional not relational.

This vibrant young man reminded me of recent conversations I’ve had with several friends; some at church and some at work. Each of them have struggles that they don’t feel comfortable sharing. Some of them because of their position at work, some of them because they fear the reaction of those around them, and some because of the stigma attached. I myself struggle with several of these, all of which isolate me from most of the people in my life.

“If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.” 1Corinthians 12:26

I can’t tell you how many times I longed for a breakfast table with a cup of coffee and a friend just to share my thoughts with, and I know it’s not just me. I know there are literally millions of people in the world whose lives would be exponentially better because of a phone call, a drop by, or a surprise pumpkin spice latte (had to put that in there).

If each of us took just a few extra minutes during the day, let’s say 10, (everyone can find 10 minutes) to reach out to someone in our circle and let them know how important they are, that you are there for them, that they are loved and valued…you may be surprised at the result. You may be surprised to find one of your friends thanking you, because that was exactly what they needed to hear…you may be surprised to find you saved someone’s life.

“So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, …” Philippians 2:1-7

I’d love to hear from you. Come back and visit at “Connectthedotblog”.

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